


Touch Me Again Till I Wake And It’s Real

by mimsyborogove



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-11
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-04-21 08:23:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14280900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mimsyborogove/pseuds/mimsyborogove
Summary: A collection of show!verse tumblr prompts and random drabbles, mostly warlock centric.After Madzie is adopted by Catarina, she has a brief chance to meet Ragnor.Catarina tries to reassure Magnus that Ragnor wouldn’t blame him for being fooled by Lilith.Magnus has to tell Catarina what he gave up to his father in order to defeat the Owl.A time that Catarina risked imprisonment for Magnus.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For the prompt: _Madzie meeting and spending time with Ragnor after Catarina takes her in?_
> 
> Just as a disclaimer, I usually write book canon, which is what all my warlock headcanons have spiraled from, so I don’t have any really solid headcanons for the show versions of the characters (Ragnor especially is really different in the show. My usual headcanon version of book!Ragnor is green, 6’3, Scottish, and usually wears T-shirts and cardigans pushed up to his elbows, none of which fits show!Ragnor), and it’s a lot more difficult for me to double check canon details in a tv show vs a digital book that I can keyword search, so I’m kind of winging it on the details. I don’t have a scenario for Ragnor to be alive in the show verse like I do with the book verse, but he did come back as a ghost that one time, so I gave the prompt a shot!
> 
> Title is from Carbon Leaf’s _Raise the Roof_.

“It’s good to see you looking so happy,” a voice, a too familiar voice, says behind her.

Catarina had been standing at the kitchen sink washing dishes from dinner while Madzie got ready for bed, she always preferred to do things the mundane way when she could, saving her magic for helping other people, and she almost drops the plate she’s holding in shock. Instead she takes a deep breath and gently sets it back down in the sink before she turns around, almost afraid of what she’s going to see.

Ragnor looks exactly how she remembered him, standing in her kitchen wearing out of date clothes with his horns unglamoured, and she feels the prickle of tears behind her eyes.

“Ragnor, you shouldn’t be here,” she whispers, though all she wants is to beg him to stay. “If you linger too long, you won’t be able to move on.”

He grins at her, and she sees the hint of familiar mischief on his face. “I may be a ghost, but I’m still a very powerful warlock,” he says. “I have a few tricks up my sleeve. Don’t worry, I won’t let myself get trapped here.”

His expression softens into a gentler smile. “I had to check on you one more time before I go. I saw Magnus right after I died, and I hope he took the advice I gave him, but it took a while to build up the energy to manifest again. I’m sorry about that, but I’m not sorry to get to see you like this. Motherhood suits you.”

“I think Magnus must have taken whatever advice you gave him because he and his Shadowhunter are doing well. Madzie adores them both, and they’re good with her,” Catarina says with her own smile. She was happy, and Magnus was happy, but she still missed Ragnor so much.

Almost as if on cue, Madzie pads into the kitchen, wearing pink Hello Kitty pajamas. “Mama, I’m finished brushing my teeth,” she says, making Catarina’s heart swell through the fresh grief Ragnor had brought back. Madzie had just recently started calling her ‘Mama’ instead of by her first name.

Madzie freezes in place, staring at Ragnor, “Mama, who’s that?”

Ragnor’s eyes widen in shock. “You can see me?”

Madzie blinks owlishly back. “Am I not supposed to? You’re really bad at hide and seek then.”

Catarina covers her mouth to hold back what she’s not entirely sure is laughter or tears, while Ragnor crouches down to be eye level with Madzie. “My name is Ragnor. Your mother is one of my dearest friends. I came to tell her goodbye before I have to go somewhere.”

Madzie nods, accepting that information. She was used to eccentric warlocks. “You have a nice voice,” she says. “Will you read my bedtime story?”

Ragnor looks back up at Catarina in alarm and mouths _I can’t hold the book_ at her.

Catarina wraps an arm around Madzie and squeezes her shoulder. “Let’s get you tucked in, kiddo, and we’ll see what Uncle Ragnor can do,” she says motioning for Ragnor to follow her to Madzie’s bedroom.

While Madzie climbs into bed, Catarina flicks her wrist and a chair appears by Madzie’s bedside. Ragnor sits in it, or looks like he’s sitting in it at least, while Catarina sits on the bed next to Madzie, grabbing a book and holding it angled to where both Madzie and Ragnor can see.

 _That looks absurd_ , Ragnor mouths at her over Madzie’s head.

 _Just read it_ , Catarina mouths back, and Ragnor sighs.

“Fox in Socks,” Ragnor reads from the cover, and Catarina opens the book and turns the page. They make it through the entire book like this, Catarina turning the pages while Ragnor reads ridiculous tongue twisters in his soft British accent, making faces between the pages, which makes Madzie giggle.

Catarina wishes she could record this moment, to have it forever and keep it close, because she can’t have Ragnor himself again, she knows he can’t stay. But ghosts don’t work like that. A recording would just show her turning pages in a silent room while Madzie giggled at nothing. Catarina tries as hard as she can to memorize it, the sound of his voice, the expressions on his face. She can’t touch him, the warmth of his body is long gone, but she can pretend for just a minute, and try to hold on to the memory of that too.

They read one more book, and Madzie’s eyes start to droop, her body snuggled into Catarina’s side.

Ragnor reaches out to brush Catarina’s arm, his hand like a cold breeze against her skin.

“Catarina, I have to go now,” he murmurs, eyes sad as he looks at her and her daughter. “Take care of yourself. Try not to overwork.”

“I’ll see you again someday,” Catarina replies, reaching back to cup his cheek, cold and insubstantial under her hand, but he leans into her touch like he can feel it.

“Not for a very, very long time, I hope,” he says gently. She closes her eyes for a second, trying to hold back the tears, and when she opens them again, the chair next to her is empty.

“He was nice,” Madzie mumbles sleepily from beside her.

Catarina tightens her arm around her daughter and presses a kiss to the top of her head. “He was. He was always nice, even when he was pretending to be grouchy.”

Madzie drifts off to sleep, and Catarina sits with her for a long time, trying to hold on to a moment that should have been a regular night, should have been as normal as doing it with Magnus was, but never would be.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on the 3x07 promos because I really want Magnus and Catarina to talk about Ragnor and I have zero faith that the show will let them. 
> 
> Also, I’m assuming show!Ragnor doesn’t have book!Ragnor’s green skin and that his only warlock mark is his horns because it would make zero sense for him to leave his horns unglamoured but glamour his skin, especially in his own house.

“Catarina, I need help finding a spell. Can you come?”

Magnus doesn’t explain what exactly he needs help with, but Catarina has known him for centuries and can hear the distress in his voice. “Of course. I’ll be there in an hour,” she says.

She hangs up the phone, worried about what’s wrong with Magnus, and dials a new number, Madzie’s babysitter, a younger warlock woman named Paloma.

With Madzie safely dropped off with a hug and kiss goodbye, Catarina makes a Portal to Magnus’s apartment. She lets herself in and finds Magnus sitting at the table in his apothecary, a partially complete potion in a bowl in front of him, frantically flipping through the pages of the spellbook beside it.

He doesn’t look up until she makes it to his side and lays a hand on his shoulder, and he startles slightly as he notices her. Catarina wonders if she and Alec are the only ones left who can get through his wards and catch him off guard like this. His eyes are tired with stress as he raises them to meet hers, and her slight worry grows much stronger.

“Magnus, tell me what happened,” she says, squeezing his shoulder reassuringly. “All of it.”

“I made a mistake and now a Greater Demon is controlling Jace Herondale,” Magnus says flatly, clearly angry with himself. “She came to me for a spell to stop love, and I _gave_ it to her.”

“How did she get in?” Catarina asks.

“She said she was a friend of Ragnor’s,” he replies, eyes dark and voice thick with guilt. “She said she knew Ragnor, and it made me trust her.”

“Oh, Magnus,” Catarina says, wrapping her arms around him, heart aching at how he sags against her with guilt and exhaustion.

“He would be so disappointed in me,” Magnus murmurs into her shoulder.

His hair is too carefully styled with wax for her to run her fingers through, but she strokes the bristly edges that he keeps buzzed short. “He wouldn’t. You know there wasn’t anything you could do to disappoint him. Except maybe that time you accidentally turned him green.”

Magnus laughs weakly. “It took us a week to figure out how to reverse it. He was so angry, but it actually looked pretty good on him. Do you remember the time he underestimated you while he was teaching you conjuring spells and instead of conjuring water into a glass, you flooded his entire library?”

Catarina smiles, reminiscing. “I was so young then. I thought for sure he would kick me out and I’d be on my own trying to learn magic. But he just ranted for a while, and then we sat down together to carefully dry each book one by one and make sure none of them had permanent damage. It took _hours_ and my magic was completely depleted by the end.”

She holds Magnus a little tighter. “If he could forgive me for that, he would forgive you for loving him and missing him so much that you would do anything help someone you thought was his friend without question,” she says softly. The grief of having Ragnor gone ached like a physical wound, and she knew Magnus felt it too. With the stress of Valentine, and with her adopting Madzie, she and Magnus had barely had time to grieve him together.

She feels Magnus nod against her shoulder before he pulls back, visibly shaking off the gloom to replace it with the single minded determination that he’s so good at. “I’ll fix it,” he says, voice stronger. “Whatever it takes, I’ll fix it.”

Catarina feels a flutter of nerves as she goes to the bookshelf to help search for a way to reverse the anti-love potion. Magnus was a good man. Too good sometimes. She’s scared of how far he’ll risk his own safety for these Shadowhunters, but she knows she can’t ask him to do anything else.

She brushes a dark lock of hair back over her shoulder and settles in at the table across from him, opening the first spellbook to do whatever she can to help.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *slinks back off into book!fan theory land where Ragnor might be alive*


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: Magnus having to tell Catarina he gave up his magic after 3x10.

Catarina closes the door to Magnus’s bedroom, where Alec Lightwood is asleep on the bed. Her magic had healed the physical injuries, but it couldn’t heal the exhaustion from the trauma. He would just have to sleep it off.

“He’s going to be fine,” she says, startling Magnus where he’s perched on the edge of the sofa, head in his hands. He looks up at her, eyeliner smudged, eyes bright with unshed tears. “You can go see him,” she continues, sitting down next to him and taking both his hands in hers, “But first you have to tell me what happened. Why did you need to call me? I know you’re skilled enough to heal those injuries on your own.”

There had been so much rush and chaos trying to heal Alec, she hadn’t been able to ask him, but she knew something was wrong. She didn’t even know what had happened with Magnus’s other Shadowhunters, but there would be time for those explanations later. Right now she only cares about Magnus.

“I can’t anymore,” Magnus says, looking down at their joined hands. “I traded my magic for the power to defeat the Owl and get Jace back. It’s gone. All of it is gone.”

Catarina feels her heart freeze in her chest, her stomach sinking in horror as the realization sets in. “Magnus, no...”

“My other option was to stay in Edom and rule with my father,” Magnus says hollowly. “This was the better choice.”

“This is my fault,” Catarina whispers raggedly, tightening her grip on his hands. “Magnus, I’m so sorry. If I hadn’t told you to go to your father... But I couldn’t think of anyone else who would be able to help you.”

Magnus brings her hands to his lips, brushing a kiss against the back of her fingers. “I would have come to the same conclusion eventually,” he replies. “You just sped the process up a little, which means I was able to stop things from getting as bad as they could have been. They’re still bad, but if I had waited any longer, they would be worse. I wouldn’t have,” he swallows and starts over, “I wouldn’t have gotten to Alexander in time.”

Alec. The only good that had come out of this is they had been able to save Alec. Now that Catarina paying attention, she realizes she can’t feel the thrum of Magnus’s magic under his skin, and it feels wrong. His hands are warm in hers, but they feel mundane. They feel _wrong_.

Catarina tries to swallow down her panic. Magnus needs her as a healer right now, and that means being calm. She gently pulls her hands out of his while her brain screams at her to hold onto him, they had already buried Ragnor and Dot, and now she’s going to lose him too, and she can’t take another loss like that, _don’t let him go, don’t let mortality take him_. Their circle of friends had grown so small over the past few months. Immortals who were supposed to be there for each other forever, lost, one by one. It wasn’t _fair_.

“Go sit with Alec,” she says, forcing the reassuring smile, the one she’s had centuries of nursing practice to make convincing, even in the worst of times, shoving the selfish thoughts down. “I’m sure he’ll want to see your face when he wakes up.”

Magnus squeezes her shoulder as he stands up to walk to the bedroom. “Thank you, Catarina. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

 _I don’t know what I’ll do without you_ , she thinks, blinking back tears as the bedroom door closes behind him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: A time that Catarina risked imprisonment for Magnus.

“Where is Magnus Bane?” the large blonde warlock on her doorstep, a member of the High Council of European warlocks named Balthazar Stone, demands. 

“I have no idea,” Catarina says lightly. “I’m not his minder. I haven’t even seen him in over a year.”

“We tracked him to this city, and it’s well known how close the two of you are,” Stone says accusingly. “We know he would come to you if he were in trouble.”

Catarina raises a dark eyebrow at him. “I don’t know what kind of trouble you think Magnus has gotten himself into, but clearly he was smart enough to not come here,” she says, gesturing to her empty sitting room. “Use a detection spell if you like. You won’t find anything.”

Balthazar Stone gives her a mistrustful look and casts the spell. Nothing happens. His steely gray eyes narrow at her. “Catarina Loss, you are under express orders from the High Council to alert us if you become aware of Magnus Bane’s whereabouts. If you are found to have been aiding him in any way, you will be taken into custody as well.”

“Of course. I would never do anything to displease the High Council,” Catarina replies sweetly, barely managing to keep the sarcasm out of her voice.

Stone turns on his heel and walks away without another word. Catarina waits until she’s sure he’s gone before calmly closing her door. Once she’s sure they’re safe, she exhales in relief and sinks to the ground exhausted, glamour flickering and dropping away to reveal her blue skin when she can no longer hold it.

“The coast is clear, you can come out,” she calls wearily, and Magnus instantly emerges from her bedroom closet and rushes to her side.

“Catarina I’m so sorry for this,” he says. “Are you alright?”

She nods. “Just tired,” she says. “You have a lot of magic to mask, and keeping the masking spell strong enough to counter his detection spell took a lot of energy. The anti-tracking spell on the house should hold though, so you’ll be safe as long as you stay here and don’t use any magic.”

“You were amazing,” Magnus says vehemently. “I can’t thank you enough for doing this for me. Can’t you still take some of my energy without it being detected?” he asks worriedly.

Catarina shakes her head. “It’s better to not risk it. They’ll be watching my house too closely for signs of anyone else’s magic for a little while.”

“I’m sorry,” Magnus murmurs again, pressing a kiss to the top of her head before wrapping an arm around her waist to help her stand, walking her to the small sofa and lowering her onto it. Catarina sinks gratefully back into the cushions.

“Let me make you some tea at least,” Magnus says, making his way to the kitchen. “No magic, I promise.”

“You know where everything is,” Catarina replies, closing her eyes to rest for just a second.

She must have dozed off a little, because it feels like Magnus is back in an instant, setting two cups and a teapot on the table and carefully sitting next to her, trying not to disturb her.

“It’s alright, I’m still awake,” she says with a yawn. It’s just barely true. “So you’re getting in trouble saving people from the witch trials again, hm?”

Magnus shrugs a little helplessly as he picks up one of the teacups to pass to her. “You know I can’t abide by the High Council’s decree to not intervene. Those men and women did nothing wrong.”

“I wouldn’t expect you to,” Catarina says with a fond smile. She and Magnus had met when he had saved her from getting burned at the stake herself. It was technically illegal for warlocks to interfere and rescue anyone accused of witchcraft, as it would reenforce the idea that witches really were among the mundanes if their accused witches kept mysteriously disappearing from prison, but it was a hard law to live by for someone like Magnus, whose nature it was to try to save anyone in trouble. “I’m just surprised you got caught,” Catarina adds.

“I was almost too late, so saving them required a few more... _theatrics_ than usual, and Stone happened to be in the area, which was just bad luck,” Magnus replies.

Catarina suppresses another yawn and leans into Magnus’s shoulder. “I’ll write to Ragnor first thing in the morning,” she promises. “I’m sure he can smooth things over with the High Council. He and Stone usually get along.”

Magnus winces. “Ragnor’s going to give me that disappointed look isn’t he? The one that makes his eyebrows all stern. I hate that look.”

Catarina laughs and pats Magnus’s leg. “He’ll probably give you a lecture about not getting caught if you’re going to break the High Council’s asinine laws,” she says. “I estimate at least an hour of stern eyebrows, maybe two if he really gets going.”

Magnus sighs deeply, and Catarina smiles as she rests her eyes again, just for a minute.

She wakes up the next morning and finds herself tucked into her bed with Magnus sprawled out on top of the covers next to her.

Her magic isn’t completely back to normal yet, but she has enough to conjure some parchment and a quill to write a fire message to Ragnor, and to conjure an extra blanket to drape over Magnus’s sleeping form.

With that taken care of, she curls back up under the covers to sleep off the rest of her magic depletion.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on tumblr at [themimsyborogove](https://themimsyborogove.tumblr.com/) if you want to send me a warlock centric prompt. Again, I mostly write book canon, and I separate the two canons in my head, so if you send me a show based prompt, I’ll do my best, but keep in mind that I’m on much shakier ground there.


End file.
